so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
