I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
