Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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