I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i will never coherently bang her
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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