He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
