My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
