i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
