I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
