hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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