Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
