A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
