i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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