He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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