He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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