Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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