The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
