There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
