If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
