I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
