FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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