We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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