He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
