Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
