if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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