dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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