Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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