can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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