I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
