Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm bleeding and have questions
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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