Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
