Don't you send me to vm
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
