somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
