Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Randomize
