I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
