god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
