8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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