The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
