How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
