Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
