everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
