when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
