What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
