Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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