now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
