i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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