Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
