I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
