Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
