Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
