You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
