Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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