How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
