farters have to be the big spoon...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
