if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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