before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
