What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
